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Shelly
Thinking back, I can't remember a day in my life that I didn't “feel” fat. I know that was not
always the case, but it is how I always felt. I used to cover up my insecurities by being the life the party,
the quick wit the one who always got the last word in or joke so that I could divert any attention away from me
whether it was good or not. It was my built in defense mechanism and it worked great! It got me invited to a
lot of parties and I had lots of friends, but it didn't get me on a lot of dates.
The years passed and I grew, in more ways than one…. A LOT. I had been through a marriage and divorce
and I was hitting about 250 and only 24 years old, it was nice but I married for the wrong reasons we definitely
were not on the same plain with just about everything and lucky for me we parted on good terms. But still the
stress led me straight to my good friend FOOD for comfort. I felt that it would probably be my “only”
chance at marriage. After all who would want to marry a fat girl? Looking back it’s amazing the box we
can put ourselves in. So of course I went on the just divorced “diet” and dropped about 50 pounds,
looked good and decided to do something with my life. I enrolled in school and started on starting over.
Again. For some reason that seemed to include forgetting about eating right, and again the pounds crept back
on and then some.
There is some good from this. I met my husband of ten years bless him. Who loved me so much that he could
never come right out and say anything to me point blank about my weight for fear of hurting me. So in my sheer
happiness (and self denial, I DO have a mirror... lol) I continued on with the way things were going. And for
me… that was getting bigger... I am 34 years old now, afraid to get on a scale and I am tired. I am tired
of everything that has to do with me!!! My self esteem is in the can, I can’t get any clothes that are in
fashion and that I would like to wear, at this point I would have probably settled for something that I thought
fitted me well. But nothing ever did, not even my car. I hated the way I looked, I didn’t want to see me
naked, let alone anyone else. So the relationship was taking a curve too.
Did I mention I was tired?? Like all the time and about everything. But I was REALLY tired of the charade that
I played out on a daily basis for anyone that I might come into contact with. The charade of I am TOTALLY okay
with the way I look and if you have a problem with it, then that’s on you! What a farce. How many people are
happy that they have to worry if they can fit into a booth at a restaurant, or movie, airplane or train, seat?
And let’s not forget that great feeling of having the steering wheel rub on the tummy, or better yet the
seatbelt cutting off your oxygen to get it fastened or having to hold your breath to bend over to tie your shoes
and come up panting. Yea, that’s living. And the friends…family to for that matter. I had managed
to stop seeing most of them by now for various reasons that I had concocted but mainly because I didn’t
want any of them to see me the way I was and to put myself in a position of having to defend or explain my
appearance. I was beginning to close myself off from everybody. Everybody, but my good pal food.
Well it’s at this point I decided to brave the scale and see what the real damage was. I knew I was
heavy and felt like I was a walking heart attack waiting to happen. I had high blood pressure and was sure
that diabetes was in my future along with all the other great things that comes along with being fat. So on
it I went……..300+ pounds. Holy moly, the floor fell out from under me. That couldn’t be
right... I walk a lot … I really don’t eat that much. Wrong answer… it was time to face
the facts and myself. It was time to make a big decision. I needed help, I needed a tool. Because whatever
I was doing was completely wrong!!!! I was going the wrong way, up instead of down. I didn’t want to
die before 40 and that is where I felt I was headed. I wanted to be a Mom, I wanted to be a wife… I
wanted to grow OLD!!!! And all that was in jeopardy because of food and my inability to take control.
Very humbling having to admit that, but it was the first step that allowed me to accept that I had a problem.
Now, how to fix it.
That began my search for weight loss surgery and for sure I hoped there was some type of alternative to the
bypass. Working in the medical field for so long I had too much knowledge regarding the complications from that
surgery, so it was not even an option no matter how unhappy I was. Luckily, I stumbled across Belighter.com and
the Lap Banding procedure. It was an amazing find. It was like someone had read my mind a came up with a solution
just for me. A Tool that I could use to help control the amount of food I ate. It was done laparoscopically...
no big cut. NOTHING was rearranged on my insides. It was adjustable and I could remove it if I found that I
wanted to. How perfect was that. With a bit more research and finding the right Dr. I made the decision that
this was what I had been waiting for and jumped in with both feet!!! It has been the best thing that I have ever
done for myself, after years of hiding it was a bit difficult to embrace the thought that I was worth the expense
… but I did... and MORE importantly I am worth it…. EVERY penny of it and to tell you the truth I
would pay double tomorrow to have it done, knowing how it has changed my life.
I was reborn on July 26, 2003. I am five months post surgery as I write this and can tell you that writing all
this down for the first time has been a bit painful, yes the tears came. But I wish I could plug everyone into
my head now and see the changes that have been made as a result of this surgery. First the outside... I have
lost 63 pounds and over 31 inches. That is almost 2 ½ feet of space that I used to take up. Is that not
amazing!!! It overwhelms me to think about it. Of course revisiting old clothes that you save in the closet for
that “day” when you’ll get back into them is really fun and to see that some of them are too big
for me now. What a kick. And a saying that I never thought would cross my lips is a frequent saying now…
I forgot to eat… wasn’t hungry. HA! But the Best change has been inside me, inside my head. My self
esteem is through the roof, I have an empowerment now that has come to me since I decided to take back control of
my life. I have such a mental piece of mind knowing that I made a decision that took me off the merry-go-round of
failure diets and set my feet firmly on the path of LIFE!!
I am excited for what everyday brings now and look forward to it. I am curious for what the next five months
will bring and the five after that… etc. I know one thing for sure, they will be nothing like the past.
I open my arms wide for it. YES, this is living… and it feels great!!!!!
UPDATE!
Hi everyone, well it has been a year since becoming a BANDSTER and it has been amazing! I am down 80 pounds and over 44 inches so far!! This has been the most incredible thing that I have ever done for myself and yes it is STILL worth every single penny for the new life journey that I am on. And yes I am still excited about what the next five months will bring and the five after that! Everyday is a new experience, whether it is higher self esteem or greater confidence. I am firmly on the road of life now and the view is fantastic! I will keep you updated! And I hope you can join me on the journey!
Sincerely,
Shelly
7/26/2003
305/225/? and counting (down)
June 2004, down 80 pounds and over 44 inches and counting! Email me to talk more about my experiences with the Band
Shelly@belighter.com
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When I was 18 yrs old I though this is how my future would look !
How things can change!
Shelly at her heaviest
Shelly in Hawaii (2003)
Shelly's College Graduation
Another photo of Shelly in 2003
I plan to marry him again just in a size 9 this time.
Christmas 03
This is me |
